


Buzzkill

by Midorii93



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M, okay i'm a little sorry, this is pure crack and i'm not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6679996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midorii93/pseuds/Midorii93
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While good for Ignis’ budget, cheap motels aren’t quite so good for his wellbeing. Noctis just wants to make the most of their alone time but Ignis is having a hard time not dying and it’s kind of a buzzkill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Buzzkill

"Alrighty!" Prompto cheered when the receptionist returned with the keys to their room. She handed the set to Noctis, who smiled gratefully. He couldn't wait to fall asleep on an actual bed for a change. Well, as 'real' as a bed at a motel this cheap could possibly be. They could have continued camping, but the motel was close by and within the budget, so why not get some proper rest? Besides, a bit of quality time with Ignis was long overdue.  
"So now you'll hand the car keys over to me, yeah?" Prompto was inches from Ignis' back, poking his upper arm excitedly. Noctis watched as Ignis weighed the Regalia keys in one hand, and the other rubbed at his chin as he seemed to think deeply.

"Hmm..."

"Oh, Iggy, don't be that way! You promised," Prompto whined, deflating against his friend's shoulder. Ignis smirked, before pushing Prompto away as he turned around.

"You're right," Ignis surrendered, "I suppose I did promise," although he handed the keys over with a slight reluctance. "Just promise me you won't break it again." The blonde had the mind to look offended.

"I would never." Ignis didn't look quite convinced, and Gladiolus laughed, grabbing Prompto in a playful headlock.

"Don't worry, I'll keep him in line," he said as Prompto struggled beneath his muscles. The receptionist laughed good-naturedly at the display, and Noctis sighed,  
"Can we hurry this up? It's nap time." 

"Sorry, Noct. We'll head off then, shouldn't be too long." Gladiolus said with a laugh as he released Prompto. The smaller man scowled as he attempted to fix his hair in the limited reflection of the window. 

"By all means," the prince drawled, "Take all the time you want." 

"Just don't waste the gil," Ignis added. Prompto nudged Gladio's side, and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Sight-seeing it is then!" Noctis rolled his eyes as Prompto and Gladio fist-bumped. It wasn't the sights they'd be taking in, he was sure.  
After Prompto and Gladiolus left, the receptionist showed Ignis and Noctis to their room. Outside and up-close, the building looked more rundown than the prince has initially realised, the paint was peeling, and the stairs they mounted to reach their room creaked under their weight. The wooden rail on the landing was rotting, and the floorboards were splitting, chipping away along the edges. The receptionist stopped at their room to unlock the door. Ignis looked around curiously,  
"Is that buzzing I hear?" 

"Oh," The lady said as she pushed open the door, "Sorry, that must be the generator. It's just around the back, behind your room." Noctis wasn't too fussed by the noise, he'd slept through earthquakes so this would hardly be a bother, but Ignis hmphed in contempt once the receptionist left them, with a bid to enjoy their stay. 

"Not likely, I'm afraid."

Noctis chuckled, "We're only here because you're a tight-ass, remember? At least it's a roof over our heads." Ignis raised an eyebrow at him, and then followed the prince inside.

"It actually saddens me how accustomed you have become to all of this, Highness. You deserve a palace, not a room that appears so dangerously close to collapse."

Noctis only shrugged before sinking onto the closest bed. It creaked beneath him, and a cloud of dust rose into the air on impact, "I adapt," he said with a sigh. "You should try it, you'd enjoy yourself more."

"Nothing about this situation is enjoyable," Ignis said as he tentatively joined Noctis on the bed. Noctis was watching him in amusement. Despite still wearing his expensive suits on a daily basis, Ignis wasn't afraid of getting dirty when the need arose. He'd happily tackle monsters into the mud, and didn't seem too bothered about being covered head to toe in blood and guts. Sitting down on a slightly dusty bed, though, seemed almost impossible for him.

"It's just dusty, not diseased," Noctis murmured in encouragement as Ignis placed himself on the very edge of the bed.

"We do not know that for certain," the older man said, eyeing a stain on the bedspread with disdain. Noctis snorted and fell onto his back,  
"Well, we all have to go out somehow."

"Contracting a disease from a begrimed motel is not a very dignified way for a prince to die," Ignis said, but there was a smile in his voice. Noctis raised his hands in a 'what-can-you-do' motion, before pulling Ignis down on top of him. Their lips locked for a moment before Noctis sighed,  
“I’ve missed you.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere, Noct.”

“Shut up, you know what I mean,” Noctis huffed, kissing Ignis again, “It’s hard to get alone time when there’s only one tent.” He shuffled around in an attempt to make himself more comfortable. There was a nice sized lump located directly under his lower back, and it was determined to let Noctis know it was there. 

"We’ll have to make the most of the time we have then." Ignis said with a smile, leaning down to kiss the prince’s neck. Noctis' hand suddenly reached out to grab his shoulder, pushing the man off him.

"Highness?" Ignis asked in concern as Noctis' eyes shot open. 

"The lump just moved."

"I'm sorr-" Noctis was off the bed in an instant, dragging the confused strategist with him.

"The lump just moved." Noctis hissed again, pointing to the bed. Ignis cautiously moved back toward the bed, putting himself between it and the prince almost subconsciously. He didn't see any bulges in the bedspread, but he wasn't about to dismiss his prince's worries. Swiftly he pulled back the covers, and let them drop to the floor. Nothing but more stains littered the fitted sheet, and while that alone repulsed the man, he couldn't find the source of the lump. Inside the mattress then? He thought, hesitating. He steeled himself. He fought monstrous creatures on a daily basis for Etro’s sake, this shouldn't bother him! In a breath, he lifted the mattress and pulled down the fitted sheet.   
It happened so quickly that Noctis wasn't sure he'd even seen it. A flash of black, and then the mattress hit the frame with a thunk, and Ignis was stumbling back, gloved hands grabbing at the cat-sized rat that had attached itself to his shirt.

"Gross!" Noctis yelled as he caught sight of the room's other guest, and he materialised a sword into his hand instinctively. Ignis had so far managed to stop the rat from gouging out his jugular, but his shoes slipped on the rug under him and he dropped like a stone. A few floorboards snapped beneath the force and he fell through with an undignified yelp. The rat was dislodged in the fall and it skittered toward the wall, heading for the door. It didn't get far before it was impaled on Noctis's sword. 

"What the hell," Noctis gasped, staring at the still twitching creature. He turned to Ignis when he heard him groan, dropping down next to him carefully. 

"I think," Ignis wheezed, "The chance of catching a disease from that bed just increased tenfold." There was a hole chewed into the mattress, just large enough for the rodent to squeeze through. It looked as though it had been lived in for quite some time.

"Gross," Noctis said again as he helped Ignis free his leg from the rotting wood, “you alright?”

“I’m fine, but I daresay we should check the other bed before using it.” 

Fifteen minutes later, and the rat’s corpse had been disposed of, the other bed had been closely investigated – thank Etro, no more rodents had been found – and Noctis had discovered a few old candles in the bathroom cupboard. 

“How about some mood lighting?” he asked, placing the candles on the bedside table and lighting them. Ignis smiled, taking Noctis’ hands and letting his thumbs trail over the tops in light caresses. 

“That sounds lovely,” he replied, sitting down on the not-infested bed. Noctis followed, straddling the strategist’s lap. Noctis carefully removed Ignis’ glasses, placing them on the bedside table, before cupping his face and kissing him deeply. Ignis let his hands travel down Noctis’ back and then slip beneath his shirt, roaming the expanse of skin greedily. Noctis hummed approvingly and leaned forward, pushing Ignis back against the bedspread. 

“That buzzing has gotten louder,” Ignis suddenly murmured against the prince’s lips.

“No offense, Ignis, but your dirty talk could use some work,” Noctis said, looking annoyed when Ignis distanced himself.

“It does not sound like a generator.” He said, and Noctis sighed,

“It’s probably just a bee stuck between the window and the curtain, not a big deal. Can we continue?”

“Sounds like it could be a few hundred bees. I’m almost certain I just saw something fly over your head.”

“Who cares, just shut up. This is getting ridiculous.” Noctis promptly reconnected his lips with Ignis’, and the older man opened his mouth wider to allow the prince access. The pair had managed to dislodge both their jackets, and Noctis was working on Ignis’ shirt when the man suddenly sat up with a hiss of pain, slapping his hand against his neck to lessen the ache.

“What’s wrong?” Noctis asked, concern managing to overrule his irritation at yet another interruption, and he carefully moved Ignis’ hand away to reveal a large angry red welt on the side of Ignis’ neck. 

“Ow!” Ignis hissed again, clutching at his other hand now as he was stung again. A huge wasp casually buzzed through the space between the two men, and Noctis was suddenly very aware that it was not the only one in the room. 

“Ifrit’s balls, what the hell is happening!?” Noctis cried as he flinched away from a wasp that flew way too near to his face. Ignis reached for his glasses, but in his haste knocked over the candles. One hit the floor and rolled away under the bed, while the other took the opportunity to catch Ignis’ shirt sleeve alight. 

“Bloody hell!” He quickly tried to put the fire out with the closest thing to him – a pillow. Being on fire wasn’t exactly new to Ignis, seeing as he was well versed in fire magic, but fire had to be handled calmly, and he was anything but calm in that moment. Noctis had disappeared into the bathroom, where he turned the tap on full (thank Etro the pluming worked in this place), and filled a bucket he knew to be in the cupboard with water. He tipped it over Ignis’ head, and then returned to the bathroom for another bucket when he noticed the curtains, too, were on fire. 

Smoke was beginning to fill the room, and the buzzing was getting louder. It was easy for Ignis to identify a small crack in the top corner of a wall, now that he knew to look, where the wasps seemed to be coming from. The crack grew larger as the buzzing grew stronger, and suddenly a swarm of a hundred wasps were released into the room. Acting quickly, Ignis threw the bed’s duvet over himself and Noctis, and they huddled together in shock as the room turned black and yellow. 

“Why is this happening to us?” Ignis asked. Noctis couldn’t give him an answer – honestly, when was the last time something went right for them anyway?

“I’ll get rid of the wasps, but you have to promise that next time, we book a decent motel.” Noctis said.

“Yes, I promise.”

“And we get to actually do it-“

“Please just hurry, your highness!”

Throwing the blanket over his head, Noctis warped out the window, taking the majority of the curtains with him. With the sudden light and freedom, the wasps followed after. Once the room was relatively clear, Noctis hopped back through the window and joined Ignis on the bed. He was a sorry sight to see, soaked to the bone in a half burnt shirt and covered in red, swollen welts. 

“You took all the hits today,” Noctis said, gently touching the sting on Ignis’ neck, “does it hurt?”

“Not so much anymore,” Ignis said, leaning his forehead against the prince’s, “I apologise for the disaster tonight turned into.”

“Not your fault,” Noctis seemed to rethink that, “well. The cheap motel was your fault, but we’ve rectified that problem now.” He continued tracing the line of Ignis’ neck, down to his collar bone, and then a bit lower,

“Nothing could possibly go wrong this time, right?” Noctis asked. Ignis laughed, the prince sure was persistent. He leaned forward to catch Noctis’ lips, but at that moment Prompto’s loud “we’re back!” shattered the moment. Noctis groaned. Gladio opened the door and stopped short, taking in the disaster zone before him. The bathroom was flooded, and the water was running into the broken floorboards Ignis had fallen through. The room was still smoky, and the few remaining wasp buzzed near the ceiling. The curtain was in shreds, and glass littered the floor. Prompto stepped in behind him,

“What did you guys do?” He asked incredulously, and Gladio snorted a laugh,

“Must have been some pretty kinky sex-” Ignis threw a pillow at him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr, but I've never posted fanfic on here before either so why not. I don’t know why it even exists, it’s pure crack. I also can’t write smut. But i kind of liked it so whatever. Inspired by that one time my IT room became a giant beehive and my class started screaming and we had to evacuate.


End file.
